Seriously, I'm not sure why you're reading this, because I am not really sure why I'm writing it. I have nothing relevant to say. I have no new to report, nothing creative going on on my brain. But I am trying to meet my 1000 word goal for the day, a daily goal which I rarely meet, and only because of a total lack of effort. Not even for anything awesome like having kids or a life that gets in the way or anything. Sucky right?
I haven't had much momentum lately, but I am starting to feel like myself again. See, I didn't fill my prescriptions for several months and had been slowly being sucked back down into depression. It got pretty bad, like bad enough that I looked up some pretty scary things on the internet. I wont get into what, but suffice it to say that it was a wake up call for me. I wasn't better, I still needed my meds.
That was hard for me, knowing that I will most likely be chemically dependent on mood stabilizers for my whole life is a tough pill for me to swallow. (Pun not intended, but it made me smile so it stays) I don't want to be dependent on anyone or anything, but I must admit that my life without mood stabilizers is much much better than life without them.
Without my meds I cry about everything, and nothing, literally I cry for no freaking reason at all, for hours. I also yell all the time! Constantly yelling about everything, at the dogs, at my husband at my family. CONSTANT.
Now I am back on my meds and it is getting better, slowly but surely. There is less crying and more smiles. Less yelling and more calm. I don't freak out about everything, more like every other thing, and that too will get better with time.
What i need to remember is that needing my meds doesn't make me weak, but remembering to take them can make me strong.