Sunday, September 30, 2012

Snooka'd Like Jimmy. (Or how I had a wrestling match in my sleep)

I will admit 2 things:
1- I am an "all over" sleeper.  I move  A LOT during the night.
2- I sometimes have full on conversations that I don't recall in the morning
3- I sometimes wake up nekkid with no recollection of how that came about
(Me and math, not so good)

According to my husband, I am a violent sleeper with a tendency to attack him in the middle of the night like a WWE (WWF for us old timers) Wrestling super star.  Apparently  i have put him in a headlock, scissor lock, and Landed Several Supa-fly Splashes on him, all whilst blissfully asleep.  I call shenanigans.

Sometime last week the following (allegedly) occurred.

J: *shake, shake* Babe. (Pause) *shake* Babe!

Me: ngf wha!?

J: Move over a little, I'm falling off the bed.

Me: emgfdls, fnduioe, brf.
Doesn't move at all.

J: Babe

Me screaming so loud I may have woken the neighbors and did wake the dogs: Yeah!

J: Jesus!  Don't scream!  Move over a little so I can have some room.

Me still Screaming:  I did!

J: No you didnt.

Me pouting: I just wanna cuddle you

J: That's fine but lets move to the middle of the bed so I don't fall off.

Me: Okay.
Rolls over

Me five minutes later:
Rolls over throws my arm heavily on top of my husbands midsection and proceeds to snore loudly in his face.

J: Babe, roll over.

Me: Okay!
Moves UP and proceeds to wrap my arms around his face/neck headlock style.

J Grunting: Babe, Leggo!  I can't breathe! *gasp*

Me: Meh.
Lets go and moves the top half of my body to my side of the bed

J decides that having my feet by his isn't such a bad deal considering whats been going on and drifts to sleep.  Five more minutes later.  I wrap my legs around him in a scissor lock.  I wasn't sure what that was so i looked it up.  Apparently this is when you wrap your legs around a persons torso or neck and squeeze.  Oops!

J: Babe, wake up and move over!  What the hell are you dreaming about!

Me: FINE!
Gets up on my knees and proceed to bring down all of my weight on top of my husbands chest a la jimmy Supa-Fly Snooka.  He called this the supa-fly swat.  this is not pleasant when a small person does it.  I am NOT a small person.

I rolled over, still sleeping, leaving my husband a gasping mess clutching his chest, my lust for violence apparently sated.

He's mad, but I say it's his fault for making me watch WWE.

If this had been the WWE, I WIN!


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