Sunday, September 30, 2012

Snooka'd Like Jimmy. (Or how I had a wrestling match in my sleep)

I will admit 2 things:
1- I am an "all over" sleeper.  I move  A LOT during the night.
2- I sometimes have full on conversations that I don't recall in the morning
3- I sometimes wake up nekkid with no recollection of how that came about
(Me and math, not so good)

According to my husband, I am a violent sleeper with a tendency to attack him in the middle of the night like a WWE (WWF for us old timers) Wrestling super star.  Apparently  i have put him in a headlock, scissor lock, and Landed Several Supa-fly Splashes on him, all whilst blissfully asleep.  I call shenanigans.

Sometime last week the following (allegedly) occurred.

J: *shake, shake* Babe. (Pause) *shake* Babe!

Me: ngf wha!?

J: Move over a little, I'm falling off the bed.

Me: emgfdls, fnduioe, brf.
Doesn't move at all.

J: Babe

Me screaming so loud I may have woken the neighbors and did wake the dogs: Yeah!

J: Jesus!  Don't scream!  Move over a little so I can have some room.

Me still Screaming:  I did!

J: No you didnt.

Me pouting: I just wanna cuddle you

J: That's fine but lets move to the middle of the bed so I don't fall off.

Me: Okay.
Rolls over

Me five minutes later:
Rolls over throws my arm heavily on top of my husbands midsection and proceeds to snore loudly in his face.

J: Babe, roll over.

Me: Okay!
Moves UP and proceeds to wrap my arms around his face/neck headlock style.

J Grunting: Babe, Leggo!  I can't breathe! *gasp*

Me: Meh.
Lets go and moves the top half of my body to my side of the bed

J decides that having my feet by his isn't such a bad deal considering whats been going on and drifts to sleep.  Five more minutes later.  I wrap my legs around him in a scissor lock.  I wasn't sure what that was so i looked it up.  Apparently this is when you wrap your legs around a persons torso or neck and squeeze.  Oops!

J: Babe, wake up and move over!  What the hell are you dreaming about!

Gets up on my knees and proceed to bring down all of my weight on top of my husbands chest a la jimmy Supa-Fly Snooka.  He called this the supa-fly swat.  this is not pleasant when a small person does it.  I am NOT a small person.

I rolled over, still sleeping, leaving my husband a gasping mess clutching his chest, my lust for violence apparently sated.

He's mad, but I say it's his fault for making me watch WWE.

If this had been the WWE, I WIN!

1 comment: